Would you choose to suffer?

A few weeks ago, during our Sunday school class, we were talking about Jesus feeding the five thousand, and then Jesus walking out onto the water, to the disciples during a storm.  My husband pointed out something about this story, that doesn't really get much mention, but to us, has become pretty significant.  Jesus told the disciples to get in the boat, and begin crossing the lake. (Matthew 14:22, Mark 6:45) Apparently, the sea of Galilee is subject to sudden storms because of the physical features surrounding it.  Jesus knew this; he knew that he was sending the disciples into a storm.  So why would he do this?  Why would he send them into danger, to suffer through this storm?  The same reason he chooses to send us into some of the storms we go through in life.  He wants to reveal himself to us.  If he hadn't told to disciples to go into this storm, there wouldn't have been an opportunity to show them his power and his glory, by walking on the water and calming the disciple’s fears.  Most likely if Jesus hadn't told the disciples to go…they probably wouldn't have.  Don’t forget, many of them were fishermen, who probably also knew the sea pretty well and wouldn't have chosen to go sail across the lake during a storm. 

This story has become special to me because of knowing that God has chosen to show me his power and his glory through my son, Weston.  He knows that I certainly wouldn't have chosen to go through this storm in my life.  But he sent me anyways.  He has shown himself to me, shown me his power and given me strength to overcome this storm.  He is the one that is in control, and will guide me through all of life’s struggles. 

Through this journey of healing from losing Weston, I begin to relate to the disciples in the rest of the story of Jesus walking on water.  At first, my faith never wavered.  Like Peter, I instantly “got out of the boat, and walked on the water toward Jesus.”  I knew I had to seek Jesus to be strong enough to get through this.  I knew that Jesus would give me the words to say when others asked questions or came to offer comfort.  I knew that only Jesus could help me to see the blessings through a tragedy and be thankful.   My marriage became stronger, because of Christ.  Donavon and I leaned on each other, loved each other more, and learned to let go of past hurts.  I became thankful because my other two children were also experiencing and seeing God’s glory and power.  While Brayden (age 2) doesn't quite understand all that happened, Katelyn (age 6) knows that Weston is in Heaven, and he will never know pain or suffering.  In fact, many times she has seen me cry, and comforted me with words only God could have given her.  She told me once that it was okay to cry for Weston, but that they should be happy tears, because we know that God is taking care of Weston in Heaven.  That Weston will never know what it’s like to hurt, suffer pain, or go through bad things, because that doesn't happen in Heaven.  Her faith is so solid, and though she is only a child, and doesn't understand everything, she understands what is important.  She has captured the true meaning of child like faith.  I know there will be many more blessings that I will see as a result of Weston’s life, my hope is that they will be kingdom building for Christ, and that he will continue to be glorified and praised. 

But like Peter, sometimes, I too take my eyes off of Christ.  Sometimes I let the doubt, the pain, and the fears consume me, like the waves did to Peter.  Sometimes I find myself thinking what if I lose another child, what if something happens to someone in my family, what if we don’t have any more children, what if I have to go through another trial so huge?  Satan uses all of these “what ifs” to get me to take my eyes off Christ.   It’s so simple, but why don’t we remember to just keep our focus on Christ, because He alone is sufficient.  He alone is strong enough. He alone controls the wind and the waves of these storms.  When I keep my eyes on Jesus, I know that the fears and lies that Satan tries to get me to believe are just that fears and lies.  But what is more important, when I keep my eyes on Jesus, I remember His promises.  Psalms 18:30, “As for God, his way is perfect.  ALL the Lord’s promises prove true (emphasis mine).  He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.  For who is God except the Lord?  Who but our God is a solid rock?”  So what are His promises?  “For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.”  Philippians 4:13.  This includes overcoming the loss of Weston.  He promises that when I “take delight in the Lord, he will give you your hearts desires.” Psalms 37:4.  My prayer will be that my desires will be in accordance with God’s will, and He will fulfill them.  Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray I will listen.  If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.”    Finally, I will share with you Paul’s words when asking God to remove a thorn in his side (who some believe to be some sort of affliction he suffered) “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, ‘My gracious favor is all you need.  My power works best in your weakness.’  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me.  Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  2 Corinthians 12:8-10.  God’s word is full of promises to help us overcome life’s trials and hardships.  I can honestly say that while I thought my faith was pretty solid before, God has definitely used Weston to strengthen my relationship with Him, and to keep my eyes on Him.   For that I am grateful.

Scripture references using the New Living Translation, Life Application Study Bible.