I still believe...

For a while I have felt God’s leading in my heart to start a blog.  I have seen many of my friends writing blogs, and have been encouraged by many of the stories, life experiences, and words of wisdom that they have shared.  As a stay at home mom, sometimes it is hard for me to be able to share my faith with others, because I can get so caught up in what is only right in front of me, right in my home.  While I feel that this is my “mission field,” I know that God still wants me to be able to share my faith with those outside of my little bubble, and one of the ways I have thought about doing this is through a blog. 

So, this would be my mode…but what would I talk about.  What could I share, that would be glorifying to God that would make an impact on others.  Up until recently, I have lived a pretty “normal” life.  With the exception of a few minor bumps in the road of life,  I have grown up, went to college, met the love of my life, got married, worked, had kids….and so on.  Along the way, I have had many lessons from God, many moments where I felt God shaping my life… but I wasn't sure where I would start in blogging.  And once I started…where would I go from there?  I know that God would supply me with many topics to share, but what if I got stuck?  All these thoughts have lead to the procrastinating of starting a blog that would allow me to share the things that God has been doing in my life. 

That was up until this fall.  This might be a hard read, but I feel that God has put it on my heart to begin this blog, by sharing one of the greatest trials I have been through, and how He has used it thus far to show me His presence, His faithfulness, and that He is in control.  A little over a year ago, I became pregnant with our third child.  This was my most difficult pregnancy yet.  Not so much in the medical aspect, I was fine.  The baby was fine.  It was just uncomfortable.  I was so sick with morning sickness; it was all I could do to function, just enough to take care of my other two children, Katelyn and Brayden.  There were other things going on in life, homeschooling, vehicle issues, and my husband taking college classes to finish another degree that being really sick, just made life miserable.  By summer, things got much better, and we could finally start preparing for our 3^rd child to join us.  God however had other plans. 

At 38 weeks along, one day, I had noticed that I hadn't felt the baby kick in a while.  After waiting a few minutes to see if I felt anything, I called my doctor and headed to the hospital.  After what seemed like forever, Donavon and I were told the worst imaginable phrase ever; your baby’s heart is no longer beating.  Our son’s umbilical cord had a knot in it that had gotten too tight.  The rest of the next few days were a blur of questions, few answers, decisions, and continuing of breaking hearts; ours, our other two children and other family members.  We prepared to say good bye to our son, whom we named Weston Paul.

I know that this is hard to read, and you might be wondering why in the world I am sharing this story.  I am sharing because this is part of my testimony.  I am sharing because the story isn't finished.  I am sharing because though this has been the greatest heartache of my life, I have seen God do so much through it, and I have learned to trust in God even more.  If God can heal this much pain, He is worthy to be praised.  If God can heal this pain in our hearts, God can heal any pain; yours included.  The last six months have been a time of growth for me, and I have gotten to know my Savior so much more.  I have found comfort in the verses of Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is close to the broken hearted, He rescues those who are crushed in Spirit".  Isaiah 41:10, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you.  I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."  Psalms 18:30 "As for God, His way is perfect.  All of the Lord’s promises have proven true.  He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection.  For who is God except the Lord?  Who but God is a solid rock?"

I share this story, not to find sympathy.  Not to boast in myself, for I wouldn't have made it through this without God’s strength and comfort.  I tell this story so that you may see God.  So that you may see how God has worked in my life.  So that even in the middle of storms, you can see that God desires us to still believe in Him, to turn to Him, to praise His name.